Written on the blog December 18, 2009:
Yesterday was the probably the biggest moment of my life. After sixteen days of looking at my darlings through a “window”….I was able to hold Remmington. They decided she was stable enough to do “Kangaroo Care” which is a theory that skin to skin with your NICU baby can actually help their health improve. I am a FIRM believer in this.
It was no easy task to get her out of the isolette and safely onto my chest with all her IV’S and breathing tubes. I am forever grateful for the nurses who went so far out of their way to allow me to hold her. They could have easily said “no”. But with three people working together, we were able to pull it off.
I changed into a gown, and was bare from the waist up. The nurses sat me in a chair as close to her Isolette as they could get me, then they raised up the lid from her bed, put down the sides, and had two nurses, a respiratory therapist, and my husband all working together to move the machines and IV lines close enough to me so that she could reach.
And then I had her.
She was finally mine. They laid her little body directly on my bare skin, and I immediately knew I was a mother. I felt this overwhelming sense of willingness to protect her with every fiber of my being. Any of you that are mothers, I’m sure understand that feeling.
Mine just came a little later.
Her little body immediately curled up to mine, and she was so calm. She was so warm and so comfortable.We were FINALLY back together. I began to weep with joy, with sadness, with a desire to take away all her hurting. I’ve never felt such a feeling in my life. I wanted to never let her go. The nurses then began to cry, followed shortly by Garrett. It was a beautiful moment. The one and only thing tarnishing that perfect moment was the sadness inside of me that I couldn’t feel my other baby girl in my arms too. And wishing I didn’t have to neglect her.
All you have to do is look at a baby, and you will know that God is real. There is absolutely no other explanation for such a creation. I certainly know Garrett and I didn’t pull it off on our own. I’m so thankful for the tender moment I had yesterday. It gave me strength to keep going.
(stay tuned for more of the journey….)